you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
