I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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