We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
