He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
and you fell through a lawn chair
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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