i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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