apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
