All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
