girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
