If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
