i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just forgot I was standing up.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
