Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
