god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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