i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
