They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
