belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
