It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
