I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
