i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
