i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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