His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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