I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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