at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my shit smells like andre
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
