Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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