i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
