you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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