Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
