Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
pray to the hookup gods
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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