Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
