at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
