walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
