The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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