So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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