So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize