4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
