Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
