i just had sex bonerless
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
