I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
