captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh god it's open bar.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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