6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
