you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
