Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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