I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
