She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
