I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
