On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
