No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
