On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
