i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
