I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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