does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
