He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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