look no pants
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
