I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
