Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
