i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
