arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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