shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i would punch a child for taco bell
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
