Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I supernannyed him into submission
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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