He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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