WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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