i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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