My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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