On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
