We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
