Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im having a threesome with these popsicles
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
