I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
