my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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