Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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