She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
