I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
